THE SCREAM!

THE SCREAM!
Originally uploaded by 7E55E-BRN

I sleep like a baby. Meaning I wake up screaming several times a night. I have what the medical community likes to refer to as "night terrors". Read more about night terrors here but basically it means that the person who suffers from this is dreaming, but thinks they are awake and usually sees/experiences something that is extremely frightening that will make them react in a variety of ways, from fighting, to thrashing about to screaming.

My particular version manifests as screams brought on by the terror some someone or something standing over my bed. Yep, about 2 out of 7 nights (sometimes more, sometimes less, this is an average) I "wake up" think in there is someone/something standing over my bed...looming over me, and I start screaming in reaction (wouldn't you if you woke up to some one/thing standing over your bed that you didn't recognize?)

I have had these night terrors since I was a kid, they have changed in nature however, and I'm not sure how common that is. When I was a kid it was spiders, on me, in my bed, ever where. I'd often find myself awake with the covers torn off the bed and in some cases the mattress on the floor (had to get all the spiders off). Sometime between my late teens and early 20's it changed over to the "looming figure". There was some conjecture at some time that the asthma medications I was on as a kid caused these issues, however, I have not been on any of those medications in well over 20 years.

My boyfriend of 11 years gets pissed off when I wake up up screaming, I would too to tell you the truth, its terrifying to be in the room when someone starts screaming for no apparent reason, and a logical reaction to fear is anger. I don't blame him, but he also knows there is nothing I can do about it. I'd love to not have these issues, its terrifying and my heart pounds and I am in a sweat, its very real fear I experience, just not to a real thing. Sleeping pills do not help, in fact the deeper I am sleeping the more likely I am to have an episode.

I also have a physical problem with my neck that causes me a lot of pain and numbness. I also have some fears of sleep deeply rooted in the asthma of my childhoold (if I go to sleep I won't be able to breath and I'll die, therefore I can't go to sleep (yeah, i know its fucked up, i'm sure you have some hangups from when you were a kidd too)). Due to these two things I don't sleep well, hardly ever that is, very occasionally I'll take a nap, or get to sleep in the wee hours of the morning and sleep deeply and dreamlessly. That is what I crave. I love to sleep despite all of my issues, or maybe because of them. Do we love most what we get so rarely?

Photo: THE SCREAM! by 7E55E-BRN